Weekly Update #3

Good evening and Welcome to Weekly Update #3!

Today I’ll be having some real talk with you guys and letting you know where I am in the artwork for, “All in the End.” As well as upcoming plans.

My apologies for the late upload. I was having a bit of a tough time this week. But I hope your week went well!!! ♥

I tried hard to get a lot of art done but last-minute Christmas needs kind of got in the way. It seems finding boxes just the size to ship out your packages is almost nonexistent. Especially if the box is basically a cube. But I found one! In my house oddly enough… Luckily, I was able to send out gifts to my sisters just in time and they should arrive by Thursday!!

YAAASSS!!!

Unfortunately, the line in the post office was extremely long and I was in quite a bit of pain afterwards. X_x

Before I get to the comic lets have some real talk.

As you all know, I have a lot of mental illnesses as well as C- PTSD, and PNES (Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures). And lemme tell you it’s hard. Day to day IT. IS. HARD. It is even harder during the holidays. I try to push my self and pretend that everything okay and I’m okay but most times I’m not. My kids, boyfriend, and cats help with some of the daily hardships, but there are times they just can’t do anything.

My artwork can help me fall into another world and get lost in the lines.

But honestly, most times, my artwork causes me extreme stress. Because, well, honestly, I’m terrified of my artwork. Not because of the content but of just doing it.

I fear failure so deeply. And while sketching is fun and sometimes easy. Inking is extreme stressful and hard. The stress can then turn in seizures if I’m not careful. And even though the sketch lines are mine I’m never sure the inking will look as good as the sketch. My mental illness then comes into play by telling me, I’m not good enough, I can’t do it.

But then I fight back.

Why can’t I? Surely, I can! I sketched it! This is my work!

But then it turns into, What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I ink my own artwork? Why can’t I do something so simple?!

This can be a battle spanning hours to days. Unusually leaving me worse at the end of the day because of my mental fighting, nothing got done. I feel I have failed. The best way I’ve found around it is to take my meds on time (this can also be a struggle) and have MULTIPLE distractions. To steer my brain away from the things scaring me or making me panic. Once I’m past that I need to get past the shaking. Due to taking certain medications in the past and my GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), I shake. Not extremely but enough to throw off small, detailed lines. This again causes stress which can cause a seizure. After a seizure it can take a few hours to a day or so, depending on how bad it was, for me to recover.

I know your all probably thinking, well damn! How does drawing actually help?!

Because once I’m done and I’ve taken a step back to really look at it, I can see, oh wow, maybe I’m not a failure. Look at what I created. I did it. I did before I can do it again. Even though it can be hard I can do it. And maybe one day it won’t be so bad. One day I’ll be able to sketch, ink, and then paint with no issues. I just need to retrain my brain. It'll take some time but that's okay.

As for the Comic!

After some depression, anxiety, and a small seizure, I have finished inking Obsession and started Caged. I was also able to finally get some panel work that I liked for Bloodbath. Not at all as many pages as I hoped to get done but still good, as Obsession was very detail heavy. Caged should go a lot smoother.

I’ll be sketching out Dark Story, Designation, and Origins once I finish inking bloodbath. (I like to sketch a few at a time)

To speed up getting the pages done I won’t be adding the coloring just yet. I want to work on the sketches and inking then do all the coloring in a batch. The reason for this is because I’ve noticed with my art if I sketch, ink, then color I feel really drained when doing the next page. So, I need to space it out differently. This seems to be working the best for getting pages done.

UPCOMING PLANS

I wanted to have more content for you guys. So, I thought I’d record my sketching and inking. I don’t have a great set up and use my phone for light when I draw but I did some recordings of me sketching and inking.

UNFORUTANELY, I had a computer mishap and lost all my files save one…

Heartbreaking but the main important files were thankfully retrieved and saved.

I will be attempting this again so I can provide you all with some new content. 😊

My next update will let you know when to expect being able to the first few pages of "All in the End".

Since this is my last entry before Christmas

I hope you all have a very wonderful happy and safe holiday.

May you get all that you need and want and may you be surrounded by loved ones.

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

♥