WELCOME TO UPDATE #10 : LIFE UPDATE!
As it says in the title this Part is about my life and health only. No art updates here!
🎨**Go HERE for all updates on art only**🎨
Now on to life updates!
Thanks for popping by to check up on me! I really appreciate it! 🤗
ITS BEEN A WHILE!
(Like 5-6 months @_@)
But I no longer have any concept of time so it at times feels like a week to year. It very strange and disorientating.
But anyway!
What have I been up to?
I have been taking care of my health (or at least trying to) and still trying to find an apartment!
APARTMENT UPDATE 🏠
(This will be quick and short)
My Voucher was updated AGAIN! I got a much better amount, roughly $2,500 but apartment hunt hasn't gone well at all... No answer backs and finding a place with an elevator is apparently REALLY hard.
I have until Mid-January to find a place. That's not long... And I'm worried.
Welfare doesn't care how care how hard it is on you to find a place. They don't care that you have no money for applications and they don't care that they've change the voucher amount 3 times because its so hard and unfair on people with vouchers.
All they say is well I guess you don't need a place, since you didn't try hard enough.
They take nothing into account.
It again put me in a huge depression.
I had high hopes I would get a great place... But honestly now I don't think that'll ever happen. But I cant stop trying. My family needs a better place.
OH! And I recently learned that FHEPs apparently (according to a realtor) does NOT accept basement apartments! It seems, since most basements have a private door, they don't count it as an actual apartment. They also do not accept apartments with exposed pipes.
Which sucks since I found a lovely three bedroom basement apartment.
Wish me luck guys, I really need it.
HEALTH UPDATE🩺
(This is kind of long)
I'm going to try and cover everything without it being TOO long and drawn out. Forgive me if it seems a little jumpy. My brain is a little jumpy too.
I've seen a neurologist (now getting a new one), eye doctor, and cardiologist.
I also had a lot of dental consults but they didn't go anywhere. (its so much I don't feel like going into right now) So now I have a new dental appointment in a new place coming up.
**FINGERS CROSSED I CAN GET THESE TEETH REMOVED AND GET NEW ONES!**
And I have almost a month full of more appointments. @_@
Pain management, PT, MRI's, etc.
SIDENOTE: Apparently my medical marijuana has really helped the pressure in my eyes! 🤣
Now please note this is not usually something that happens. (as stated by my eye doctor) Most times smoking weed can increase the pressure in your eyes and make things worse. Although to you it may seem like its helping. (This has happened to someone I know) The only reason why my weed smoking help was because of how much I smoke. (I smoke pretty much every hour) As per my prescription.
Also I finally found the name of one of my eye problems!
VISUAL SNOW
Visual snow syndrome is apparently a neurological condition in which persistent dots appear in my visual field, resembling television static.
I used to tell people, ever since I was younger, that I see pixels thinking people would understand how small the dots are but I quickly learned everyone has a different idea on the size of pixels. WHO KNEW?!
This visual snow also occurs when my eyes are closed.
I am beginning to think my brain is defective xD
Something that really messed me up was I lost my home care. It was my mom helping me but she cant continue to help if she isn't getting paid. She still has other kids to provide for. This happened when I switched insurances (to get better dental care). Even though The NYS independent accessor has cleared me, my insurance has not. I've been trying to fight that for 2-3 months now. Hopefully my new PCP can help me.
Its been hard getting things done with out the extra help. But I do have someone from my hospital that I can call for help with appointments, paperwork and daily life tasks. My kids have been trying to fill the void of my mom but there's just but so much they can do for me.
I've also lost my therapist (they will be moving on to other things.) Its unfortunate since we were able to start working on my C-PTSD. But I was able to get some medication to try and help with it. So far its helping a bit with my nightmares but some of the flashbacks through the day are still there. And I don't just mean I'm seeing things. Or I'm back in the moment completely. Its not always completely. Sometimes it's smells or a voice. But it can be very jarring and hard to cope with.
Besides my trauma my seizures have changed a bit but my brain scans show normal.
They are tamer(as in less contorting) and there's more convulsions and the feeling of brain becoming mush. A lot of staring too. But the needing to sleep and nearly passing out right after still happens.
Which bothers me because I know something is wrong. But they cant find anything.
My memory has gotten really bad. I don't remember I have cats until I see them. Even if I was just looking at the cat tree it doesn't click that I have cats until one rubs on my leg.
Kids ask for mac and cheese with dinner, I leave their room, go in the kitchen and make rice. Why? Because I have completely forgotten the interaction of them saying they ant mac and cheese. I don't eventually remember. Someone has to point it out to me. Sometimes I get a flood of memoires recalling the event or action I'd forgotten.
Its also hard to put 2 and 2 together sometimes.
For example:
I put up coffee, forgot I put it up, Smells something, goes okay I smell something. Keeps smelling it and its stronger now.
Okay I'm smelling something. Something I know? I know I know it? But it doesn't register as something important. just a smell. But even though I know it I cant place it or name it. Then I look around and see my coffee BURNING!
IT SMACKS ME IN THE FACE!
A FLOOD OF MEMORIES!
I KNOW THIS SMELL!
ITS BURNING COFFEE!
I PUT UP COFFEE!
Now I'm frantic and I need to fix it.
My brain could not go making coffee + burning smell = coffee is done and burning turn it off.
This has happened with with all types of cooking and everyday things. I've left the oven on, a pan full of oil on the fire, and nearly food gets forgotten about in the Airfryer and microwave.
Its like I know these smells and cant place it them.
I fell strange and disorientated when this happens. The flood of memories really just knocks me back for a second.
The most ridiculous one to me was when I was refilling my small cat food container I kept trying to put the little lid on the big container [both are round, but one is red(small one) and one is gray(large one)]
I was begging to panic because the lid wouldn't go on and I had just opened it but I can't close it? I knew it didn't fit but it didn't really register it didn't fit until once more I was smacked with a flood of memories. Then I felt really embarrassed and kind of ashamed? It wasn't fun but I can laugh about it now.
This happens with words sometimes too. I cant remember simple words for simple things. Eventually I do remember but it can be very hard to deal with through the day.
Then there's the feeling of my mind dumbing down. I feel like my mind is turning to mush. Along with it; swelling lips, dizziness, feeling like I'm going to pass out, headaches, feeling like I'm going to have a nose bleed. My vision is one eye (right eye always) jumps back and forth with an over sharpened bright white and blue dot light at the corners of my eyes. Then there's the stutters and not able to form proper sentences, forgetting words. Forgetting how to spell.
No I remember how to spell most times. There some simple words I cant remember and panic when it happens.
But lets say I want to type a word.
I type it.
I read it and almost all the letters are wrong.
No this is not messed up fast typing. Even when typing slow and looking at each letter while typing, this happens. Numbers can be a problem too.
But nothing shows on my scans.
I know how with my mental illnesses it could be anything.
But I know its not the depression, Schizoaffective, Bi-polar, Personality disorder, or any of the others.
The only one I thought it might be was the C-PTSD. But now I'm on meds for some of the problems and I still have issues.
Honestly I'm at the point of giving up trying to find out what's wrong. No doctor wants to do many tests when every other test shows up fine.
It's very disheartening.
My new PCP seems to be concerned but I doubt they will be able to do much to help. I'm losing hope so maybe you guys can hope for me? 💜
All of these problems is why I haven't been on to update you.
Honestly for awhile I forgot it even existed.
Then I'd remember, hate myself, and forget again.
BUT IVE GOT GOOD NEWS FOR THAT!
My boyfriend has let me know that my Christmas gift will be something to help out a little more with my daily life and remembering things. He's also been linking my medical accounts and pharmacy to help me keep track of things and even refill meds for me. He set up a link calendar so he set appointments reminders. He even sends scheduled texts in the morning to remind me of things. There will be a camera soon (hopefully) to record my seizures/ convulsions to show doctors.
BTB: He's been meeting me at appointments since my mom can't be there anymore. 😊
I am HELLA lucky.
And uhh, that's all for now? At least its all I can remember.
WOW.
That...That was A LOT.
Thanks for sticking around and reading it all. You are magical. 🤗
Please continue to be awesome and magical and stick around for more news.
Thank you again.
**REMEMBER head HERE🎨 to get updated on my art.**
Support me on BuyMeACoffee ((It’s only $2/month to support me btw!! ♥♥))
**PLEASE NOTE SOME ADDITIONS AND CHANGES WILL BE MADE TO MY TIERS SOON**
((Don't worry its all good things!))
As always you can find me on Twitter!!
I'm interactive, and post a lot!